Meaningless love
by OTP's are all you need
Summary: What does love mean to you? Maybe a lot, or maybe not much but can pain from the past help your love for certain things grow, or can they hold you back and make you feel like your life is worthless and useless. *One-shot* Drabble. Rated T for language and gore.


**Unfortunately I've been really busy this week and didn't get the chance to finish the new chapter for S &D so don't expect a chapter to be up this week.**

 **On the other hand, I had (for once) some spare time at school and I had the quick chance to write a bit of this. Its a little pointless and nothing great but I wanted to make up for this weeks missed chapter.**

 **Ok, enough talk from me, here's the story.**

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Pretty much no one would agree with me if I said "'Love' is a meaningless thing". Ok, maybe some people would, but I haven't met anyone who has so far. Why is it meaningless to me? I don't really know why either. Its just never been something I've ever had to think about. I'm too busy to think about such things anyways. People to meet, places to be. One minute your with your friends and are sat behind a desk in Junior high, the next your running around for others, who cant gain fame and victory for themselves without your help. That is how it works...well for me anyway.

When I was young I was quite a well spirited child. I had a good family. Average maybe? I don't know, my memories don't reach so far back, which I'm actually happy for. My father worked as a...as a...hmm?

And my mother was your average housewife. She had long brilliant black hair, and beautiful orange eyes, which complemented her white as snow skin. It seems maybe I exaggerated a little...or maybe I'm describing myself?

Things will never go the way you want them to. Maybe I did love them, care for them, worry about them, and hold them close, but it was all a joke if you ask me...because never did they ever return that affection to me. Never did they once check to make sure if I was okay, or anxious, or cared for!

They would turn a blind eye on me and leave me to rot for days. Where would they leave me? 'Ohisama En'. I think that's what it was called. It has another name for it now. But I haven't been there in too long. That was when I was really young though, like one to four years of age maybe.

Its what I've been told to date.

One day after my parents had an argument about 'financial stuff', they both walked out the house and left me. I thought I should let them go and cool off. It was normal anyway. They would leave me like this a lot. Sometimes for almost a whole day. But I didn't mind.

Because I thought I 'loved' them, I wouldn't mind at all...

I was blind and naive, an absolute idiot. That's what I was. They would both eventually return at their separate times. I would just wait for them until they came back. Sat at the kitchen table, drawing or doing homework, like the innocent and older child I was. Then scolded by my mother when she realized I wasn't in bed yet.

She would drink and return, which would be why her temper was worse than usual. But I didn't know what 'drunk' even meant then. It was some other language to me, the whole mutual dictionary was.

I would let it pass and return to my room, thanking my stars she had returned. And not too long after the door downstairs would creak open and I would hear the brisk and heavy footsteps of my father and a warm feeling would fill me. The sensation would be too much.

I hate to admit it, but I would begin to cry. A small part off me wished that they would still leave me at the orphanage, but that would be betraying my parents, correct? This is what 'love' was to me. It wasn't the best, but that feeling of relief was amazing.

This was how things carried on till I was 13.

Over the years I got into soccer. None of my parents played with me if I asked so I would play alone. Sooner or later I was accepted into my elementary schools soccer team. I made many new friends, even met a few old ones, from the orphanage. I was a great player.

Using my wasted skills in soccer was the greatest move I had ever made in my life. I had the advantage of the forward's position from my amazing kick power and the skills of a goalkeeper, since I had a lot of upper body strength.

I was the perfect team member. And I was adored for that. It also may be when my self admiration came to be. I would praise my self too much and give myself too much attention. I even forced the role of captain upon my self, throwing away the small piece of trash, they called their 'Senpai' to find another club.

I liked it this way, and no one could tell me other. I was in charge. Hatred, from other students grew on me. But I didn't give a damn about them. I kicked out the weak and accepted the strong and didn't need anyone else to tell me how to do my job.

But that was when my life turned upside down...

It was still my fault. I don't care what people, like Hiroto, Endou and Hitomiko tell me. I will blame myself for what happened that day.

I returned home from school. It was the last day, and I graduated elementary. My parents didn't come, but they probably had their own reason. That's what I thought. They had, had another argument and my father was sat at the table when I got home.

He had a bottle in his hand. He smelt of alcohol. My father became a strong alcoholic but it had never bothered me so it was none of my business, what my father chose to do.

I decided to slowly ease my self, and engage us into a conversation.

"How was work?" I whispered.

"Hm...it was okay." he mumbled back, but I was able to make out what he replied.

"Today was my graduation ceremony. After the holidays, I'll be entering Junior high."

"Sorry son, talk to me later I'm not in the mood right now." Farther stood up suddenly and turned to head in the other direction.

I hated it when he responded like this. I was always giving my time to them, and never would they have the heart to return it.

"But you never speak to me ever father. What do you hate me now? Some great dad you are, and where is mother?"

"I don't know and don't give a damn about that, bitch of a, women. Shes a whore and deserves to die! Now shut your mouth and keep yourself in place, understand Osamu?"

I stopped in fear and dread. Never had my father ever risen his voice at me. I inched away slowly since the smell of his breath was stinging my nose. I forced my self to keep a straight a face. I didn't think much of what he said, because I had thought it all came out, from the influence of alcohol.

He broke eye contact with me finally, letting me sigh of relief.

My mother at that moment walked through the door to spot us in the tense moment.

"What are two shouting about?, your making my damn head hurt! Keep it down."

"Sorry mother," I sighed, obediently.

"Shut up, I don't kneed orders from you now." Said farther before seating himself back down at the table. I ignored both of them and made my way to the other side of the room to slip out silently, and leave the two to solve their own problems.

But as soon I was about to leave, my father got back up and moved to the front door. He started putting his shoes on and grabbing his car keys, all while cursing under his breath.

"Where do you think your going?" Mother yelled from the kitchen.

"Away from this fucking family. I don't need anymore shit on my plate. You can have this baby on your own and take care of him also." And with that he disappeared behind the door and his footsteps were heard, leaving through the front gate.

"Oi, get back you, are you listening?"

 _Baby?_ I was utterly confused and wasn't sure what 'baby' he was talking about. I turned back to face my mother who smashed her hand on the counter.

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you bastard..."

I decided to stay still this time. I wasn't in the right of saying or asking of anything. I left to my room instead. I tried to ring my dad from my own cell, but he wouldn't pick up. I was nervous he would get caught drunk driving. Though there was nothing I could do if he didn't pick up.

Later that night, I was almost around the stage of falling asleep. My head was full of thoughts from the previous incidents but finally my batteries were drained and I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore, not until I could here cries coming from downstairs.

I rushed out of bed and raced down in my pajamas. I couldn't see mother in sight. I looked in every room but she wasn't there. Until finally I reached the kitchen to see the basement door open. I rushed to the wide opened entrance, to see my mother at the bottom of the steps in pain.

She cried my name over and over. I raced down to her. I was in utter shock and loss of words. She was a sickly pale color and couldn't speak and all she did was cry and cry words of gibberish!

Even now thinking back, I can still clearly remember the sound that came out of her, as she screamed at me. For a full five minutes I panicked not knowing what to do. It was now I wished for my father, the one man who could do something, back. But he wasn't here and I was the only one who could help the situation, anything to save her life.

The moment grew worse as blood seeped through her night gown and took over the floor space around us. She still screamed and wouldn't shut up.

"Stop! Stop! Screaming and shouting wont help. I'll call for an ambulance, wait mother just stay here!"

I rushed back up the steps and grabbed the phone. I dialed the number and in suspense, waited for the pick up. My hands were trembling as I had pushed the buttons . A thick layer of cold sweat running over my for head.

It was truly a time I wish never occurred.

The other side finally answered, _"Hello_ _there, Inazuma towns emergency line_ _, which service would you like to request?"_

I was on the brink of answering when something even more deadly crossed my mind. In the time I had made to the kitchen and the lady had answered, the house was silent. The painful screams of my mother had stopped. I didn't want to think of the worse, but it was the only thing which crossed my mind.

I couldn't control the shaking of my body anymore, my mind was at it limits once and for all. Everything felt numb and it felt like my heart stopped beating.

"Cry please, cry more, scream mother! Tell me your alive for fucks sake!"

I dropped the phone and collapsed. For some time, I couldn't remember what happened. I hit the ground so hard, I completely erased myself from all emotion that night.

It was a pit of darkness I entered, which was drawing me in more the less I felt.

I woke up in the hospital. It seems like they traced down the call and were concerned. When they broke down the door and entered, they found both me and my mother. My mother passed away.

She lost too much blood and was seemed to be carrying a baby also. It was too much for her after tripping down the flight of stairs, and passed away before she was taken to the hospital.

I was slowly recovering. The news, of mother dying, was shocking but later didn't care anymore. I wasn't in the mood to feel anything.

I wasn't sad, mortified, angry. I just felt empty...like the world was finally in its turn to give me crap for all the bad things I had done. At first it was difficult to understand what I did, but now looking back, I realize there were times were I should have been truly punished, and deserved everything that came at me after.

I was curious about my father as well though, but even out of that my emotions and conscious broke even further. Father had died the same night he made his scene, and ran out the house. Because he was drunk, he wasn't watching were he was going and crashed straight into another truck, killing the man driving that truck too in the process.

I decided to finally give up. It was the last straw...

Many moments appeared for me after. I was sent back to the 'Ohisamma En'. I lived there, with my friends. I spoke to know one and kept to my self. I wasn't in the need for anyone more. I lost my family, the only people I ever loved. It tormented me from loving anyone ever again. This is why my emotion sank a way.

We were eventually given the chance to play soccer again. The sport that pulled me through the tough times. I was finally given the chance to enjoy myself again, and even that was taken away from me, because of selfish needs and greed.

This world is filled with hateful people and something I had to accept.

Desarm...with a new name, I hoped for a new life. One where I could take revenge on my emotions and create a character with life and empathy.

But even that failed. I attempted to make this new persona, but it was impossible without getting rid of the old.

I was for sure then that my life, with no doubt was useless. I wasn't excepted anywhere, there wasn't a place for me in this world. I was pushed away and refused. Until I met him. The young tanned goalkeeper. He was so full of himself and happy it made me sick.

I now feel it was more of envy, which I felt towards him. His wits and tricks and the voice which made his teammates and himself stronger. It was through that boy, and now great man, Endou Mamarou, I learned the true reason of my existence. The passion that grew in me the more I played with him.

 _Pretty much no one would agree with me if I said "'love' is a meaningless thing"…_

But my love for soccer was what pushed me to carry on living and look forward to tomorrow. It was the love I felt on the field from my friends, when our passes connected. The support and admiration coming off the crowd and audiences.

That is what kept me going this whole time. I'm still not sure why 'love' is meaningless but one day I will figure it out. Even maybe share it with someone. I laugh at my self for even thinking it. I really am heartless.

I'm getting older now. I have a role to play in this world. Unlike my parents, I want to set an example to the young in this generation. I want to be of some help. And I will. Soccer is the one thing I love, I will go through the most rough challenges to save it and not make the same mistake again. I want to erase those bad sins and memories of the past which still haunt me..

...and I want to extend my love for the sport I hold so dear...

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 **END**

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 **Thank you everyone for reading! Sorry if it was long and boring. There isn't much dialogue either but none the less, I hope you enjoyed it. I made up the entire thing, so sorry if it seemed quite cliche.**

 **Its a little different from what I usually write, but I really want to work on improving my writing skills.**

 **Bye and I promise a new S &D chapter next week.**

 **-Yan**


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